Head up

I'm trying to keep my head up. I'm trying to not let this sickness destroy me. I'm trying to keep my spirits going. I just need to find my music that helps.

Restarting

I need to focus some more in life. I'm planning a small vacation to the ozarks, a little afraid of the area though. I'm not sure what to do or see but I'm going to the new museum that Walmart built. Any thoughts out there?

spiritual? maybe. maybe not.

i am going to try this again. really. i am focusing in on one thing. music. f your grammar...here we go

so one of the greatest emotional connections i have is with music. in many forms and type the tunes, hymns, canticles, symphonies, and entries make their way into my brain. i don't know when it started but at some point i realized a deep connection to music that was spiritual. i have gotten the same feeling from being in the mountains, out canoeing in the lakes and woods of my youth, and sitting on the shore of the baltic sea looking at the sunset.

one of the first songs i remember really hitting me hard was "round here" by counting crows. something about the phrasing spoke to somewhere inside me. i don't know how because i can't relate to the story but i can feel the story. adam's voice entered my ears and still this many years afterward i know the lyrics and the emotions come back. i've walked on a beach and sat looking out at the ocean listening to this song.  this wasn't the only song but it was my first.

one last song that seemed to invade my world like no other was ryan adams' "come pick me up." this reminds me of a relationship that went bad. things soured when she cheated then i cheated and we just grew mean. she kept fucking up my world and even when we broke up she haunted me. she invaded me and ripped me apart. i am never sure where things went wrong. i am never sure why everything fell apart but when i heard this it was in the middle of this whole "amy" was just another face. she became the focus of everything that is wrong in the world. yet she would call me. she would find me and i'd give in. i was her puppet. we'd get high and then thing would tumble. my friends didn't know. she was dating another guy and i started playing with men in seriousness. on some level we spent 3 or 4 years going back and forth throughout college.

i don't know where to go next. any thoughts on what i should be writing about please put them in comments section. if you still read this let me know. please all feed back is welcome.