Quiet

Since no one reads this anymore I'm going to confess something. I'm not going to contact anyone on anything unless they contact me first. No iMessage. No email. No twitter. No tumblr. Let's see who cares.

Reading this

I know no one does anymore. I feel like I'm constantly bothering people online. I always feel like I can tell the person I'm talking to is rolling their eyes and hating me for saying something. I thought I had best friends but as years have gone by I realize I have none anymore. I'm alone. I'm not happy but at least now I know that everyone is pretending to be my friend to be nice.

Lost

I’m mentally aware more now that I am lost. I’ve let myself become a shell. I’m hollow, a void, yet another nothing that I always wanted. There is this unfillable gap. I have only a few emotions left; mostly they are here, there, buried, and unsure. Music is no longer bringing me joy. The shows are empty, the theater dark. I’ve successfully buried everything. I’ve tried so hard to be dead inside, now I think I am. I’m going to purge Facebook viciously this weekend. I have the second account still but it is empty like me. You won’t miss anything as there is nothing left. I’ve given everything I can. What do I do now? Where do I go?

Into the void …

...and the circuits run dry

this was written in 2002 and edited over the last few weeks. 


i began to feel it
    the feeling you felt
the waters ran flush
    the life giving sources


you never understood your pain
   i wanted to be your shoulder
cry on this night till
   we see the light together


i started to own it
   the moment you needed
clicks and beeps of time
   counting down your minutes


you could always tell me
    i am here forever, you rock
hold this pain in me, release
    clean the circuits, iron the wrinkles


i have never forgotten
   how you grew stronger
and the circuits run dry
   you found your strength


at long last, without me
   i couldn't be more happy